Faith-tried: Trusting God’s Goodness through a Miscarriage

I got pregnant with my 1st child in 2018. I can’t describe the unimaginable joy I felt knowing that God had entrusted me with “baking” and birthing one of His precious creations. It was something I had never felt before.

The only thing I can compare it to or come remotely close to is the joy of salvation: the honeymoon phase you go through when you first get saved. It feels like walking on cloud 9 or what I use to call “skittles”.

I looked forward to the next 9 months of this blessing. I was so excited that I even started buying baby clothes and shoes!

I was ecstatic when the time came for my 12-week checkup-where they listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I was excited to hear what would be the best sound I could hear at that point in life… other than the voice of God of course.

So there I was, laying on the cold exam chair, in the cold doctor’s office while the doctor held the fetal doppler to my belly. She kept moving around to hear the heartbeat but had trouble finding it.

After 10 mins of searching, she told me “the baby is moving around too much so I can’t get a reading” then scheduled me for an ultrasound a few days later.

Me being none the wiser went about my merry way.

A few days later, I went to my ultrasound and found myself back in that cold room on a similar cold chair. This time with an ultrasound machine on my belly.

I asked the tech to let me see the monitor, at which point she told me that she wanted to get the doctor in there first. So in comes the doctor.

She checks the monitor then proceeds to sit down and tell me the news that would shatter my very soul into a thousand pieces: I had lost the pregnancy at 10 weeks.

I just stared at her. I had heard her. My eyes started swelling up with tears without me even realizing it.

She ran through my options as to what to do as if this was just another routine visit. All I could ask was “how is this possible?”

After about 30 mins of being in a state of total confusion, I called my husband and told him the news. He broke down.

I had a lot of questions for God. “How is this possible when You promised that You would watch over this child”?

“How is this possible when I dedicated every single seed that comes out of this womb to You?”

“What about the prophecies and the dreams You gave me of my son?”

The next week was a roller coaster of emotions between denial and deep-seated sorrow. I had lost my beloved dad in 2017 and that was painful. Only a year later and I’ve lost my 1st child.

The sorrow of losing my baby was deeper than I could have ever imagined.

After my body miscarried, the reality of it finally hit me.

The enemy started trying to play tricks on my mind to make me doubt the promises of God concerning my life.

I went through emotional and mental trauma while I was healing physically. No one around could have understood.

I learned that faith is not looking tough in the face of adversity while your heart, body, mind, and soul is broken within. Faith is knowing that even when it looks like it can’t be fixed, healed, or put together, God is still good.

The only thing I could do was drench my bed with tears as I worshiped God every day.

In those moments of worship from my father’s death to losing my baby, I realized that God understood the pain and He was the only One who could heal me.

I learned that faith is not looking tough in the face of adversity while your heart, body, mind, and soul is broken within. Faith is knowing that even when it looks like it can’t be fixed, healed, or put together, God is still good.

It took me 2 years to get through grieving my baby and being able to talk about it without questioning God about it.

I don’t understand what happened and I may never, but what I do know is that He that promised is also able to fulfill.

God’s character doesn’t change because of the tests we pass through, but when our faith is tried in affliction and fire, God promised to be with us during those times.

-Prisca Akuaku Noah

#Faith #Miscarriage #Pregnancy #Testimony